I read a piece about complaining in a daybook the other day, then a friend and I were talking about healthy vs. unhealthy complaining. I know this doesn't seem EDS-related, but it is. I believe that there's a time and place for everything. Sometimes we just need to complain about another person, place, or thing. Sometimes we just want to blame the world for all of the bad things that happen to us. Sometimes we just need a minute... or a day. Sometimes we just need to vent to get whatever is bugging out so that we can move forward.
Appropriate venting - going for a run, chopping wood, screaming while driving, dancing it out, blasting music and singing at the top of your lungs, hitting your bed/pillow, venting to someone who knows that you just want someone to listen while you vent, etc. - is so necessary and productive. (Holding powerful emotions inside is really unhealthy.) However, staying in that complaining place also does no good. Not for the person doing the complaining or for the world in general. I believe that we are all connected and that, what we do for the one, we do for the all. I believe that everything happens FOR us, not TO us.
I have bad days... we all do. I have days when just getting out of bed takes monumental effort; when putting on a bra causes excruciating pain; when I can barely move because the vertigo is so bad. Those days remind me to take better care of myself; to test my limits not roll over them with a steam roller; that there are plenty of things that I CAN do... I maybe just can't do them as long as I want to do them.
I also have good days... days where I get to spend time with friends or go pick apples and grapes and blueberries or go for a really brisk walk. I have those rare days when I forget that every joint in my body hurts and that I have to be careful and that I have to be mindful. Those days - those sparkling, rare, joyful days - are precious.
Regardless of what's going on around me or in me, I also wake up every day feeling blessed and incredibly thankful for my life, for all that I have, and for all of the people I call friends and family. Regardless of what's going on in my body, every day is a great day and I'm happy. Just because I have this thing that is debilitating my physical body, does not mean that I am not a valuable and productive member of society. Just because I can't go to work every day, doesn't mean that I can't find avenues through which to give back to my community in ways that honor where I'm at and my physical capacity, which changes daily.
When this journey began for me, (really from as far back as I can remember, but clearly with the diagnosis that explained SO many things,) when I hit the wall and life shut down for me five years ago, I didn't think that I'd ever feel grateful that my body was flawed. I couldn't accept that my life had changed... that there really would be no going back to the way things were. It took me a long time to grieve my "old life." But, I allowed myself that grief - from the initial denial when I was convinced that I would get better "soon" to the acceptance that "soon" was relative and that my body was in charge now. Through the grief came empowerment. I accepted that what used to be was over. I began to figure out what's next. I still don't have the answer, but I'm excited to stay on the journey. I am grateful I'm still here and on that journey! My life isn't over just because there are so many things I can no longer do.
I believe that life is what we make it. I believe that life is not fair and that it's not meant to be fair. I believe that we can choose to be miserable or we can choose to be grateful and happy even when we feel miserable. We all get to choose... we can choose to stay in a state of constant complaining or we can choose to vent, get over it, and be happy. I choose to be happy! What do you choose?
